We shud be a grown up by now.

i felt rather appreciated tat someone actually trust me tat much to allow me to access their mailbox to check their mails for them. Apparently, out of curiosity i went to click on her past tense, and i had a moment of sour and sad feeling came running across my body. To realise tat ur not a person tat someone will write abt in the entire life(till now), i felt bad. I knew what this person wanted as a gd lifetime partner, pretty choosy i wud say, and for me.. till now i still find her hard to communicate at many times.

failure, going thru so many times of it, but yet still cant understand how a true relationship works. i'm no longer a young chap wearing school uniform running ard. my time in teenage days were over, stepping into a new age of grown up, and learning how to think rationally is still a key to being a mature guy.

probably im not the cup of tea for this particular person, but at least i wud say my feeling as to treat tis fella well, is definitely genuine. There're so many girls out there, but y cant i find a suitable one for myself. and this qns has been revolving ard me for many many yrs. Seemed like there's alrdy 1, but in the blink of an eye, its gone. Repeating itself throughout this years. Hard to forget those moments of pain and disappointed, it devoured me. And bcoz of this cycle, we continue to grow.

Im almost 22. God. And still no results of a positive relationship. And no wonderful grades. Sometimes i really doubt i can make it big someday. I tried to bury myself into work in camp, at least it wont hurt when i turn ard and find myself walking home alone. I've got frens, but frens dun make a family for sure. I'd really wan to hav a real blossom in life tat i can be proud of, may it come by luck or hard work but I knew i've not done enuff for the latter.

If im really tat bad of a person, i dun mind suffering. But wad i see frm my surroundings, are useless assholes enjoying life. I dont wanna complain or whine here, but there's no one else out there tat i have the trust for me to share tis with. Question now, Who understands me?

For as long as i remember, nobody.

And eventually, We'll still grow. gZ-